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FAB Parents

A coherent framework for understanding and parenting adopted and foster children

A COHERENT FRAMEWORK FOR THINKING

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You are here: Home / Archives for future-proofing

What did you expect? Joy, satisfaction or sadness?

February 25, 2019 by Helen Oakwater Leave a Comment

“This is not what I signed up for” I silently repeatedly.  Maybe when looking at the self inflicted cuts on my daughters arms. Possibly when another twenty quid disappeared from my purse or listening to more lies. Definitely scrabbling on all fours filling five bin liners with furry food, soiled underwear, dead vodka bottles and […]

Filed Under: adoption, blog, future-proofing, mother, trauma, Uncategorized

Failure of long view in adoption is a strategic, economic & humanitarian mistake

October 27, 2018 by Helen Oakwater Leave a Comment

National Adoption Week is always emotive. The intent is to recruit adopters. Unsurprisingly some experienced adopters rant at the saccharine articles in newspapers, knowing that below the rhetoric is a deficit of ongoing, deep, appropriate support. Failing to take the long view, over decades is a strategic, economic and humanitarian mistake. PAC-UK had a splendid series […]

Filed Under: adoption, blog, future-proofing, siblings, trauma Tagged With: adoption, oakwater, Parents, siblings, trauma, trauma bond

SANDY & TIM start in life

April 29, 2018 by Helen Oakwater Leave a Comment

Compare and contrast these two babies. SANDY (Securely Attached Normally Developed Youngster) all needs met regularly. TIM (Traumatised Infant Maltreated) neglected, ignored, hurt. This is the draft cartoon of the opening to my next book; “So you want(ed) to adopt. Ponder their probable life path. Ponder the sort of parenting Tim will need in adoptive […]

Filed Under: adoption, blog, future-proofing, mother, trauma

Don’t assume keeping a sibling group together is right

October 18, 2017 by Helen Oakwater 12 Comments

Today’s Daily Mirror featured a sibling group of four looking for one set of adoptive parents. I’ve read the article with increasing anger. The children had a chaotic background, but had settled in well  ….. blah, blah. Unlike prospective adopters; I and other adults experienced in parenting traumatised children could read between the lines. These […]

Filed Under: adoption, blog, future-proofing, siblings, trauma Tagged With: adoption, ASF, media, siblings, trauma, trauma bond

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