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FAB Parents

A coherent framework for understanding and parenting adopted and foster children

A COHERENT FRAMEWORK FOR THINKING

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You are here: Home / Archives for mother

What did you expect? Joy, satisfaction or sadness?

February 25, 2019 by Helen Oakwater Leave a Comment

“This is not what I signed up for” I silently repeatedly.  Maybe when looking at the self inflicted cuts on my daughters arms. Possibly when another twenty quid disappeared from my purse or listening to more lies. Definitely scrabbling on all fours filling five bin liners with furry food, soiled underwear, dead vodka bottles and […]

Filed Under: adoption, blog, future-proofing, mother, trauma, Uncategorized

SANDY & TIM start in life

April 29, 2018 by Helen Oakwater Leave a Comment

Compare and contrast these two babies. SANDY (Securely Attached Normally Developed Youngster) all needs met regularly. TIM (Traumatised Infant Maltreated) neglected, ignored, hurt. This is the draft cartoon of the opening to my next book; “So you want(ed) to adopt. Ponder their probable life path. Ponder the sort of parenting Tim will need in adoptive […]

Filed Under: adoption, blog, future-proofing, mother, trauma

Mothers Day and Expectations. Hope for the best. Plan for the worst.

March 13, 2018 by Helen Oakwater 1 Comment

Last sunday I cooked my own meals, bought myself some flowers and uncharacteristically drank an entire bottle of wine and had a good cry. Why?  Because yet again, on Mothers Day, I received nothing from the three children I adopted 25 years ago. We’ve had minimal contact for the last seven or eight years. By […]

Filed Under: adoption, blog, mother, trauma, Uncategorized Tagged With: a, adoption, FAB, fostering, oakwater, Parents, trauma

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